I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He uses pillows to masturbate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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