she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
