Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
