When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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