Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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