i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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