Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
