Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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