no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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