I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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