dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every concussion has its silver lining
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
