I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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