even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
