pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
