Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
