No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
