have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
