Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
