i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
