This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
