So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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