Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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