and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
