dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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