i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
