I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
