do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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