Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
