waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
