So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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