I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
