I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
