So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
