i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
