Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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