the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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