ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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