I have demons in me.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
