Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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