It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
