haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
