Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
