now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
