Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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