so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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