and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
