Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
