He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
