you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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