Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
