weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
