The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
