I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
