i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
