Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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