You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
