I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
